Ballroom, Washington—Amongst cranes and cement mixers, US troops in sandals stomped the runway to showcase to the world an invasion suit worthy of its time. Every detail, from the eye-catching fatigues embossed in golden thread to rucksacks with built-in ice coolers, bears Trump’s signature mark.
A US spokesperson for the Department of Vanity Flair explains Trump’s style decision, “This is a bold statement collection, that says we are ready to take on the world on our terms, when we like, however we like. Don’t hate us if we do it in style, and disregard the so-called climate facts.” Steve Bannon’s fashion column ran with “Trump hits Greenland with Fashion Police”.
A surprise moment came when the four models sat down at the end of the runway, kicked up their feet, pulled out their phones and ordered Uber Eats. Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Coca-Cola, and Chuck E. Cheese were delivered by two Greenlanders on huskies. Officials described it as an image of US benevolence.
Trump’s policy decision to dress troops in a summer uniform first aired on a Truth Social post. “Patriots, Greenland is GREEN. Fake news wants you to believe otherwise. Beautiful settler country, emerald pastures as far as the eye can see—going to be raffling off plots at Mar-a-Lago. Very exclusive, get tickets while you can.”