Washington—President Trump launched his latest business venture: Bombs for Peace™. Subscribers gain access to Pentagon intel and can send peace plans directly to the commander-in-chief—via nuclear emojis. The most upvoted plans win the President’s direct attention. For platinum subscribers, their intelligence briefing will be shared with the President via an official Fox News report.
White House Secretary Karoline Blondelady stated during a press briefing, “This initiative is a true masterstroke. President Trump has combined two elements that unite all Americans—blowing things up and monthly billing.”
Trump promoted his peace service on Truth Social:
“For just $1.99 per month, you could become a true patriot and support Bombs for Peace™.
For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can ensure that everyone receives the gift of explosive tranquillity.
DON’T WAIT.
Can’t get a cup of joe for less than $5 at Starbucks. Coffee’s a scam, folks—ten bucks minimum, maybe twenty.
Get more boom for your buck with Bombs for Peace™.
Very limited offer—peace is running out.”
Uptake has exploded in red states, and in alligator-infested lagoons with Wi-Fi access. Cletus, an early adopter from Chincoteague Bay, Virginia, received over 77,000 thumbs up for his bunker-buster blitzkrieg on Iran. On Bombs for Peace Social, he posted:
“Whoa, didn’t expect my post to blow up—Iran. I’d been drinking my dirt bike’s brake fluid after a killer day at Savage Neck Dunes. Thought I was just posting a meme.”
A top White House official said, “If Iran doesn’t start glowing, Trump will be forced to release version two—Bring Your Own Atom Bombs (B.Y.O.A.B).”
Critics have raised concerns that the platform lacks an opt-out button for thermonuclear annihilation.