Washington—President Trump was officially recognised during the inaugural award for being the first person to lead a nation state without a functioning brain. The award celebrates the inordinate impact of one brainless man on the world.
The catalyst for Trump’s nomination came on the back of DOGE’s discovery of a classified medical report. It detailed that the President has a black vortex where a human brain should be.
Trying to turn the knife during their online spat, Elon leaked his discovery on X. Yet the revelation has only strengthened Trump’s public support. A recent Gallup poll found 52% of Americans are in favour of a brainless president, and 48% of non-respondents were found gagged and handcuffed in a detention facility.
Advocates seized the opportunity to raise awareness that Trump had smashed through the glass ceiling for people without brains. One attendee at the award gala said, “He’s the perfect poster child for our campaign. Trump is truly inspirational—total rockstar for the brainless. ”
During the ceremony, a video address from the award organisers, Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin congratulated Trump. The leaders apologised for not attending in person due to the emerging humanitarian crisis caused by scores of American intellectuals arriving by boat in their countries.
Since receiving the award, Trump has continued to promote the cause and cement his legacy into the American political system. Trump announced that being brainless is now a prerequisite for all government positions. In the spirit of equality, for individuals who don’t meet the new Trump standard, the government is providing complimentary lobotomies.