Stansted, London—Donald Trump launched his annexation of the United Kingdom by urinating over runway three at Stansted Airport.
Caught in the cross-spray during Trump’s ceremonial piss were Prime Minister Keir Starmer and his wife. Footage of the event shows Trump standing on Air Force One and taking aim at the smiling convoy awaiting his arrival on the tarmac.
During a sit-down interview between the two heads of state, Keir Starmer reflected on their special relationship. “Trump’s golden jet stream is as warm and relaxing as summer rain. Please sir, can I have some more?”
The UK has put on pomp and ceremony fit for a king, hoping to ensure the golden stream flows both ways. Big Ben’s roof will be drenched in golden paint, renamed Trump’s Big Boy. Windsor’s gardens have also been officially selected as the next site for a Trump Golf International course.
Recent polling shows Keir Starmer’s popularity rating has soared since footage emerged of Trump’s annexation of runway three. Speaking to one brolly wilding supporter outside Stansted, “Haven’t seen a leader take it on the chin like this since Churchill.”
A key trade deal for Trump during the state visit is securing the leading role in the upcoming James Bond movies. The clincher is whether Starmer agrees to a sex scene with his wife, while Trump, acting as a double agent, wears a Putin mask.
Starmer is currently in negotiations, and is yet to rule out golden showers as a deal breaker.