WASHINGTON DC—A leaked presidential brief has reportedly recalibrated the Dooms Day Clock to the new time zone, Greenwich Party Time (GPT).
An anonymous White House insider informed The Scrolletariat the change occurred to provide President Trump a good news story, after what has been noted as an extremely tough week for his administration.
“First it was eggs, then coffee, and now this aviation disaster – the Doomsday Clock was a bridge too far. We know President Trump wants to offer the American people and the world at large a glimmer of hope, that things will get better soon. And it’s been working, the President has been jubilant while working long hours on the hard task of preparing his Spotify playlist for the big celebration.”
In the White House’s corridors, the pace has picked up, with “it’s 90 seconds to party time” becoming the catch phrase for many overburdened workers. Demonstrating his deep understanding of media optics, Trump has convened the US-led International Fireworks Committee to ensure the celebrations kick off with a bang.
Whether you are plus or minus Greenwich Party Time, our sources told The Scrolletariat that Trump assures that thanks to him alone, there will be “the best fireworks spectacle you have ever seen, in your hometown soon.”