Everybody knows I read the most books. You could build a wall with all the books I’ve read. My bathroom has more Pulitzers than CNN has viewers. No one has ever produced a summer reading list as remarkable as this one. It’s as good as Trump Steaks, but for your brain—very rare, very well done.
Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank
Note to ICE—check the attic! Diaries are confessions. Read ‘em then raid ‘em.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Back then, men worked with their hands, followed their dreams, shot a few people—and nobody got cancelled. First true MAGAcana novel.
1984 by George Orwell
My own show The Apprentice crushed 1984’s reality spinoff. On The Apprentice, I was big brother. Still am actually. 24/7 surveillance, constant fear—I even coined the phrase Fake News. My lawyers are suing Orwell for plagiarism, by the way.
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
If Nabokov had met my daughter, he wouldn’t have written Lolita, he would have written Ivanka: The American Dream. I still may write the sequel, Daddy’s Girl. Penguin has already done a mock cover. Bestseller.
King Lear by William Shakespeare
People are surprised when I say I haven’t read King Lear yet. They get down in the mud and plead, ‘Oh, Mr President, you’ve got to read this book.’ I get it, I’m a modern day King Lear, but younger, richer and more handsome. Nobody’s comparing wimpy Biden to King Lear—nobody.
Don’t let the Pigeon drive the bus by Mo Willems
Perfect children’s book—never give a woke pigeon the keys. All squawk and no drive. I’d also considered including The Giving Tree, as it is so popular. Honestly, it gave away everything it had—what a loser. It probably had some fungal cancer and needed to be chopped down anyway.
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