Greenville, North Carolina—President Trump has sought to shake up the US welfare system with the appointment of MrBeast as its new Social Welfare Tsar. In his first livestream since taking office, one lucky contestant on How Hungry Are You? overcame eating scorpions and rancid American beef tartare to take home a year of fine dining courtesy of Marco Pierre White. The consolation prize was the opportunity to fight for food stamps in a garbage pit.
Famous for his outlandish acts of philanthropy, MrBeast’s food stamp treasure hunt is just one of a series of new measures intended to boost the entertainment ROI for American taxpayers.
“Americans don’t know where their tax dollars go,” Trump told reporters while standing on the Mar-a-Lago golf course. “But with MrBeast you do. And it’s a big prize pool— from luxury houses, cars and food stamps to dental whitening, plastic surgery and Ozempic. And let’s be honest, Social Security is a scam. People need a challenge, and that’s what MrBeast delivers. It gets great ratings by the way, unlike some mopey Democrat report on growing food insecurity. No one reads anyway.”
MrBeast will use the Medicaid budget to fund a series of challenges inspired by America’s exorbitant hospital bills. Current episodes in development include Last to Hit the Morphine Button Wins and I Gave Away an Entire Hospital to This One Really Sick Old Man.
MrBeast said he was excited to take on the new role.
“With this huge budget, President Trump is honouring his commitment to fight poverty of all types—including entertainment poverty. And I’m now thinking bigger than ever. If Trump secures Greenland, I could solve poverty in America with 50,000 life vests and an open-water swimming contest.”