The melt rate of the Greenland Ice Sheet, the second largest in the world, has been increasing exponentially since US President Donald Trump set his eyes on acquiring the country.
The ice sheet covers approximately 1,700,000 square kilometres, accounting for roughly 80% of Iceland’s landmass. While the ice sheet has been melting two to five times faster since the 1850s, in the last two weeks researchers have noted a significant uptick in glacial melt.
Dr Sigurður Norse has been studying the ice sheet since he was born and noted, “It appears as Trump ramps up rhetoric about acquiring Greenland, another giant ice sheet jumps into the ocean. It’s the largest act of glacial suicide I have witnessed.”
At Mar-a-Lago, America’s not-so Secret Service Agent, Sean Curran is profoundly aware of the threat Greenland’s ice sheet melt poses to President Trump. “I saved Trump from the shooter in Butler County, but that was simply a routine operation. Trying to convince Trump to stop discussing Mar-a-Lago Middle East on the golf course as the water rises around his ankles is another matter.”
Scientists have also noted other strange natural phenomena occurring in the past two weeks. The Canadian Rockies have started shifting towards the US border, which if they continue on their current trajectory are expected to form an impenetrable fortress.
With the bulk of Greenland’s land mass being comprised by the ice sheet, models predict that just one more day of waking up to President Trump will be enough to turn Greenland into a modern day Atlantis, and with it Mar-a-Lago.