Trump Receives Prestigious First Head Of State Without Brain Award
“He’s been going remarkably well for a President with rotting flesh between his ears.”
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Category: Entertainment
Musk Resigns From DOGE—“I can’t find a more efficient way to gut the health system”
Once commonly sighted circling bloated bureaucracies with his swarm of vulturlings, in recent weeks Musk has been spotted crestfallen, sucking on used needles outside DC injection clinics muttering to himself about the virtues of upcycling.
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AI Daddy For Trump: Inside The MI6 Plot That Almost Healed The World
“A loving father figure for Trump is all that separates humanity from peace on earth or Armageddon”
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DOGE Automates Presidential Pardons To Optimise Executive Efficiency
We have ascertained the three key variables that trigger an automated pardon include: accrediting Ukraine for starting the war with Russia, being cancelled by the woke agenda and believing Stephen King was the ghostwriter of ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’.
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Trump Assures MAGA Followers He’s Closing Best-Ever Deal With Moon-Sized Asteroid
“Plenty of Truth Socialites confirming it’s the size of a penny. Maybe smaller–microscopic even. Scientists are out to scare Americans, but I defend your freedom. It’s a hoax wokepocalypse ladies and gentleman.”
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Trump Appoints Andrew Tate As Secretary Of Hustle And Grind
U.S. President Donald Trump has appointed Andrew Tate for the new position of Secretary of Hustle and Grind. Tate will now lead the Department of Alpha Energies,
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“Hitler, Ye & Me – Three GOATS, One Stage – Nuremberg ‘34!” Inside Kanye’s Kickstarter Appeal To Build World’s First Time Machine
Without Hitler, ain’t got no hip-hop. That n**r could freestyle. When I touch down in Nuremberg, Nazis gonna FLIP. Biggest event in history—Hitler, Ye, and Me. Triple threat.”
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Greenland Ice Sheet Accelerates Retreat Into Sea As Trump Deal Approaches
Researchers have identified that the melt rate of the Greenland Ice Sheet, the second largest in the world, has been increasing exponentially since US President Donald Trump set his eyes on acquiring the country.
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Trump Administration Recalibrates Dooms Day Clock To Greenwich Party Time
WASHINGTON DC—A leaked presidential brief has reportedly recalibrated the Dooms Day Clock to the new time zone, Greenwich Party Time (GPT).
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