San Francisco—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) raided a BDSM party, liberating several caged partygoers who had endured hours confined in conditions PETA considered inhumane, even for lower order parasites that are destroying the planet.
A spokesperson for PETA said, “It’s absolutely obscene that a full-grown man would be subjected to this treatment. However, we do appreciate that the cage occupants wore an abundance of rubber and latex over animal-based outfits. Relying on plastic for clothing is extremely damaging for the environment. While PETA respects this lifestyle choice, thoughtless recycling of gimp outfits may trickle down to animals—such as rats—adopting the attire. People pursuing a kink lifestyle should consider upcycling the clothing from the gimps we didn’t save.”
The Scrolletariat spoke to one disgruntled gimp roaming the streets at dawn, “You can lock me up. You can fuck me like an animal. But never put me in PETA’s healing circle.”
Local constable Seenitall stated that most gimps were lucky on this occasion. “Our intelligence indicated PETA was planning to go full euthanasia, but they limited the blue juice to gimps who refused liberation.”
PETA released the shocking video highlighting the degrading conditions gimps suffered in the dungeon party. The graphic footage, resembling a Mum walking in on her teenager’s bedroom without knocking, aims to raise consumer awareness about choosing ethically sourced, free range gimps. In response, party organisers said that to avoid future raids, the upcoming Furry Party will be held at PETA’s kennels in Norfolk, Virginia, in an attempt to blend in with existing captives.